Midlife transitions mirror the yearning of wanting things to change immediately, ignoring the fact that transition is a process, a process which takes time, patience, and a deep trust that change is possible.

I urge you to begin to notice the small signs of spring, as well as your awareness of what you would like to be different in your life.

Let me know what happens.

One way of discovering what is really important to you in this new stage of life is to notice what makes your heart sing.

Noticing what makes your heart sing can be a playful and uplifting step in creating your future. Pay attention and see what you learn. Simply becoming aware of what brings you joy each day is a great practice for connecting with yourself and your dreams.

Once you connect with your joy, it will lead you to discover your life purpose.

What brings you joy, magnified and expanded upon, provides a reflection of your core self, of who you are and what you value. Living a life that aligns with your values allows you to create great meaning and passion. As you own your values, you will also discover what you are really good at, what your strengths are, and how you want to build on them. You will begin to live your life on purpose, and your heart will sing as you live in integrity with what really matters

Emerging Butterfly

Your discomfort with change, stuckness, resentment, sadness, fear of rejection, and anger — all keep you stuck in a cocoon. The more these feelings surround you, the stronger they become and the smaller you become. You yearn to step out into the world but it feels too scary. It is easier to live in a protected place than to take the risk of opening your heart and discovering ways to let go of your habitual thinking.

With many clients, I have noticed that when they get in touch with their feelings of despair, longing, and disquiet, they tend to withdraw and return to a place of safety. Many times clients are afraid to move forward with the coaching process, but discover that facing negative feelings turns out to be empowering.

Change takes courage and the willingness to take responsibility for your own behaviors. Emerging from your cocoon happens slowly over time. The process involves paying attention and listening to your heart. The journey involves slowly emerging from your safe place in a pattern of opening up and withdrawing, having the patience to know that it is possible to experience the freedom and beauty of a butterfly.

You have the choice to decide to awaken to your life, as opposed to simply letting it go by. You may continue to hold onto your negative beliefs and stay stuck in your familiar patterns, or you may choose to do something different.

The process of working with me can support you in emerging from your cocoon to transform your life and live boldly. Time goes by quickly, particularly during midlife. Would you like some support as you navigate the uncharted territory of this precious stage in your development?

One of my favorite mentors, Mark Silver, has given me permission to post his newsletter which speaks to becoming an entrepreneur after age 40. Hope you find it useful.

The Three Challenges with Going Into Business Once You’re Older

by Mark Silver

When I look out into the great world of self-employment, many people starting businesses these days are over 40, and some well into their fifties. There are huge advantages to starting a business at that age. Huge.

A few of the advantages include wisdom, experience, self-knowledge, confidence. You might even have a savings account to lean into. Or your children, if you have any, might be old enough to either not need constant attention or to actually help out.

Unfortunately, there are some distinct disadvantages as well.

Many of the disadvantages come from the fact that growing a new business takes time. Some things can happen quickly, but the fact remains that I continue to see it taking the average person two to three years to achieve true momentum and stability. Before that there are all kinds of challenges exacerbated by age.

Challenge One: Decades of Competence

I was speaking with Laura Roeder while interviewing her for The Business Oasis the other day, and she said something that really clicked for me: “In running a business, you are constantly doing things you’ve never done before.”

You know what happens when you do things for the first time? You make mistakes. You’re uncertain. You feel like a fool.

By the time you’ve reached the second half of life, you tend to become accustomed to feeling competent if not masterful with many of the things you do in your life.

If you decide to start a business, you can scratch feeling competent.

Just the other day we were doing strategic planning at a level I’ve never done before. Kate Williams was leading us, and let me tell you, there were many times I felt stooopid. She would say something, and I just didn’t get it. She was making distinctions that took a long time to click for me.

Yet strategic planning has become such a necessity. If I wasn’t willing to feel like an idiot, Heart of Business would miss out on an incredibly necessary part of maturation.

One of the reasons I love spiritual practice so much is that it helps me remain humble and appreciate beginner’s mind in the face of feeling like a fool.

In what ways are you willing to let go of the comfort in competence you’ve built up over decades? Is it okay to feel like an idiot?

Challenge Two: Needing Comfort

When I was in my 20s, I lived in a flat in the Mission district of San Francisco. I paid three hundred bucks a month. My furniture and most of my clothes were second hand or dumpster-dived, except my paramedic uniform which was issued by my employer.

I lived on burritos. I had an okay car and a bicycle.

Now I’m in my forties. We have a house. We eat well (although burritos continue to play a significant nutritional role). We pay for childcare help. There are creature comforts that have somehow inched their way from luxury status to necessity.

Also, my body just needs more support. I don’t recover from all nighters like I did two decades ago. I spend money on an acupuncturist to help me feel vital. It works, but two decades ago the vitality was just *there.*

Because of the time it takes to get a business truly running, it can leave a household with an uncomfortably tight belt.

At these times, spiritual practice becomes deeply nourishing. It helps me distinguish the “shadow comfort” of material items, as my friend Jennifer Louden calls them, from the true nourishment my heart is needing.

For you, what has inched from luxury to the necessity?

Challenge Three: Realistic Expectations

What was that quote? “Do everything now while you’re young and still know everything.” There’s a simple confidence and tackle-the-world oomph that people have when they’re young.

As we age, we experience the full breadth of life. People die. Opportunities don’t come through. Failure happens.

Age may bring groundedness and wisdom, but it also brings more caution. Instead of the automatic, “Hey, let’s go tackle that mountain,” there’s more of a “yes, but…” that tempers our dreams.

Going full out can make us look foolish sometimes (see Challenge One above). Mistakes happen. Things don’t work. Yet, going full out brings the gift of being in motion, of belief.

This is another reason I love spiritual practice. Deep heart guidance is a more than adequate replacement for blind foolish confidence. The challenge, of course, is to not let your “realistic expectations” undermine either your guidance or your confidence.

What guidance, or straight-up blind, foolish confidence, is calling to you? What realistic expectations can you set aside in service of moving your business forward?

These three challenges, decades of competence, needing comfort, and realistic expectations can sink those of us starting businesses who have a few years under our belts. Thankfully there are remedies in the heart for these.

Which of these challenges do you face? Or are there others I haven’t named? And how do you work your way around them?

The best to you and your business,

Mark Silver (at www.heartofbusiness.com)

You have probably heard, read about or even tried gratitude lists before. If you have, or even if the idea is completely new to you, consider writing a gratitude list once a week instead of every day. If a daily list works, keep going! But if you find your list has lost its punch, try writing it less frequently. New studies show that to be most effective, gratitude lists need to be kept innovative. If you find yourself writing the same things over and over, look for new things to be grateful for.

THREE GOOD THINGS

Martin Seligman, a major contributor to the positive psychology movement suggests a Three Blessings exercise. If you aren’t comfortable with the word “blessings,” just substitute the words “Three Good Things.” After writing down three things you are grateful for, write down the impact you had on the situation. For example, if you are grateful your proposal was accepted; note what impact you had on the outcome. Think: “I really put in a lot of time and energy in on that proposal.”

Why is this important? After a short time you will begin to notice how your actions influence your blessings.

KEEP A “WARM FUZZY” FILE

Hold onto especially meaningful greeting cards, nice notes or e-mails that people have sent you. When you need a “gratitude hit” read through the file and notice how it feels to be a recipient of gratitude!

MIND MAP FOR FORGIVENESS

Think of someone in your life you feel unhappy with or are holding a grudge against. In the middle of a sheet of paper, write the name of the person you have a grudge against and the primary thing that upsets you. Draw a circle around what you wrote. Next, write down something you like about that person. Draw a circle around what you wrote. Add several more circles containing positive things about the person. Now, hold the piece of paper in front of you at arm’s length. What do you notice about your original circle?

The discussion of gratitude always brings up my own gratitude for you—my readers, clients and teleseminar participants. Whether I write it down daily or once a week, I am grateful every day for your presence in my life. I am grateful for being able to do work I love and have you join me on the journey.

In gratitude,

Marty

If you find yourself needing help managing your graditude practice, write a coment and I will respond.